Finding Home: The Sacred Journey Back to Yourself

For as long as I can remember, I have carried a feeling of displacement.

A sense that somewhere, somehow, there must be a place where I would finally feel at home.

A place where my nervous system can soften, where I can exhale, where I can stop searching.

For much of my life, I looked for that feeling of home outside of myself.

I noticed an attachment to partners to fill that void. I made them my safe space, which then brought a whole array of added issues.

The expectation that they could meet all of my needs became suffocating for both of us. When they couldn’t meet my needs, they felt inadequate; and when my needs remained unmet, I found myself living in a constant state of grasping and unfulfilment.

For some time their presence did give me the feeling of belonging I was longing for, but the shadow piece that came with it eventually destroyed us.

Their arms were somewhere I could rest, until eventually that relationship ended and so did my sense of home.

I was left feeling lost and alone again.

And slowly, I began to see that home can’t be found entirely in a partner, but neither can it exist solely as an inner state. We need both!

We are relational beings. We need touch, conversation, connection and the experience of being held by another. We need other people to mirror our inner world back to us and to meet us in the places where we cannot always meet ourselves.

Let’s face it, there is only so much self-holding we can do.

Learning to meet our own needs is an essential part of coming home to ourselves. But it was never meant to mean doing everything alone. There comes a point where we need one another.

Perhaps true home is found in the meeting place between the two: the safety we cultivate within ourselves and the relationships and environments that reflect, honour and nurture that safety back to us.

I started asking a different question: How can I learn to meet my own needs, while also allowing myself to receive love, support and connection from others?

How can we trust our discernment and know that we can choose differently, choosing spaces, people and environments that support our healing rather than cause further harm?

How can we meet our own needs whilst allowing in the love and care of others?

The truth that now exists for me is that we are sovereign beings, but we are also relational beings who need external love, connection and the experience of being held by others.

Home is safety in the body, but it is also being in environments and with people who can hold us with love.

As a result of these questions, a deeper truth and manifestation began to emerge. I started to notice the people showing up in my life changing, people who respected my boundaries, cared about my feelings, and loved me with greater care, integrity and truth.

I kept coming back to the understanding that home is both an inner state and an external experience. As I began setting boundaries around what home meant for me, my external world started to change.

And a deeper understanding dropped in: perhaps we begin to truly find home when we create a life that mirrors our inner world, when we love ourselves enough to say no when something doesn’t align, to step away and return home to ourselves when life becomes messy or painful, and to repair with those who matter while continuing to walk a path of integrity.

Perhaps home is found when we stop abandoning ourselves in order to belong.

Home is the place within where we can return to ourselves and be held with respect.

It is a felt sense of safety in the body.

A grounding into the present moment.

A remembering that we are held by something greater than ourselves and a calling in others who match this frequency.

It all begins with a self-check-in:

How does this feel in my body?

Can I speak my truth here and be heard?

Does this relationship, this space, this life feel like home?

Coming home to ourselves means learning to honour what we feel, trusting our discernment, and having the courage to walk away from what repeatedly asks us to abandon ourselves.

It is saying no to relationships that hurt us.

No to having our needs dismissed.

No to making ourselves smaller to belong.

No to accepting breadcrumbs because we are afraid of being alone.

Because boundaries are more than what we say to others, they are a sacred promise we make to ourselves:

This is what I need!

This is what I am available for!

This is what I will no longer accept!

When we begin choosing from self-respect, autonomy and sovereignty, our outer world begins to change.

We stop asking, “Will they choose me?”

And start asking:

“Does this feel like home for me?”

Home is not perfection. It is the freedom to remain connected to yourself through the messiness, impermanence and uncertainty of life.

It is the sacred promise:

I will not leave myself behind in order to belong.

So I leave you with this:

What is one boundary you could honour today that would bring you one step closer to feeling at home within yourself?

If you need a little support, you can use the free Yes/No Body Check tool on my website for guidance, reflection and deeper wisdom from your body.